How DARE YOU?!
The silence is finally being broken and it’s about damn time! The enormity of the problem of women being subjected to sexual harassment, sexual assault or both is being exposed publicly and worldwide by two little words – “Me too”. In these two words are courage and support…women uniting to expose the truth. The truth that women have NOT been granted the respect they deserve as sisters, mothers, humans. Denied a most basic right -to not have their bodies and minds violated! And this truth is being exposed in many ways.
Reading the comments on the news articles and the facebook posts, a shocking reality emerges – many have taken it on themselves to blaming the victims! Incredibly, the first thing that comes up for these small minded people, both men and women, is to pass judgment on the women coming forward. HOW DARE YOU! Smug in their inexplicable self-righteousness, they make comments like “if that were true why didn’t you say something sooner?” or “other women saw, why didn’t they say something?” Or even this abominable comment, “your silence when it happened makes you complicit”. Oh my god…WOW! What form of silence are you referring to? She didn’t scream in the moment of being raped?! Perhaps she did, and no one heard…or cared! She didn’t immediately report the behavior of a man who can destroy her personally and professionally to the police? Or to her family? Was her behavior as a frightened, confused victim not good enough for you???
Complicit… If you sat in your friend’s apartment as he raped a young woman in the next room and jeered at her as she hurried out with terror in her eyes, YOU are complicit! If you sat there hanging your head unable to meet her eyes but did nothing to stop it, YOU are complicit! If your teenaged daughter told you her brother’s best friend raped her and you responded with “what did you do to encourage him?” YOU are complicit! If you’ve ever said “she was asking for it, dressed like that” YOU are complicit! If you say “oh that’s just locker room talk” when a woman is sexually objectified or worse then YOU are complicit! If you are a police officer and you intimidate a woman who has been raped with threats that she will do jail time if she can’t PROVE it, then YOU are complicit! If you allow other men to insult and objectify women and you say nothing, you are complicit. When you SHAME and BLAME women who step forward and report the abuse, YOU ARE COMPLICIT.
If you sneer at a woman and tell her “you know you like it” when she rebuffs your advances (as if her liking sex or not has any bearing whatsoever on her right to tell you no), then YOU are the problem! If you as a mother (or father) have taken your son’s side in justifying sexual assault of any kind YOU are the problem! If you teach your daughters how to avoid being raped AND teach your sons “boys will be boys”, YOU are the problem! If you continue to make sexual comments or physical advances that are obviously unwelcome, then YOU are the problem! If you ply a woman with drugs or alcohol in order to have sex with her, then YOU are the problem! If you believe that your wife can’t say “no” because she is your wife, then YOU are the problem! If you have cut your wife’s panties off her body and plunged your dick into her before she could wake up, justifying your actions with “she denied me…she forced me to steal it” then YOU are a fucking RAPIST and YOU are the problem!
Are you OUTRAGED? I hope so! ALL of this is a grievous insult and violation of the Divine Feminine that gave you life and that sustains you every day! The way in which the masculine views and responds to the feminine in this world also shows up in how Mother Earth is raped and ravaged…callously depleted. In the book “Vagina: a cultural history” by Naomi Wolf, we read:
“the way in which any given culture treats the vagina . . . is a metaphor for how women in general in that place and time are treated."
This issue is deeply embedded in our society, and the language we use proves it. For her to have sex with a man, she “gives it up.” Her virginity is “taken” from her. If she fucks up, her chastity is lost forever, a dirty rag, a chewed piece of gum. And the way society chooses to insult women – “slut”, “cunt”, “whore”, “skank”…if she is sexual, she is somehow dirty or less than. If it’s a man who is being insulted some of the worst things you can call him are “pussy”, “bitch”, “girl”, or ANY implication that he has feminine attributes.
This has never been acceptable, but women have finally had enough. Step up, and reconnect to the power of the Divine Feminine in us all. Men, reawaken to your role as the Sacred Masculine protector of Sacred Mother Earth, the Feminine and all children! Balance MUST be restored if we are to survive as a human race. SHAME is the problem…it’s time to heal the shame! We are ALL part of the problem and we can ALL be a part of the solution. When a man stands up as a protector, even verbally, of the feminine, HE is the solution. When a woman chooses to do the work to heal her trauma, she is no longer a victim, and SHE is the solution! When a mother teaches her sons to honour and respect the feminine and the earth, SHE is the solution! When women stand together supporting each other in reclaiming their power AND their pleasure, THEY are the solution! When a man chooses to do his own healing work and awakens the Sacred Warrior within as protector of women HE is the solution NO MATTER WHAT his past has been! Transformation begins within each of us…when we have the courage to heal what is within us, we heal the world around us.