Updated: Dec 4, 2019
4 Myths That Choke the Life out of a Relationship
“All I am to you is a chocolate factory!” he said angrily.
“Oh, please,” she said rolling her eyes, “I only want some once or twice a week.”
“Daily, more like!” he said. “And I see how you eye the cabinet every time you walk by…it’s disgusting!”
“That is some fine looking chocolate you have in there,” she replied, chuckling.
Stamping his foot he pouted “See? That’s what I mean! It’s all you think about!”
“There’s nothing wrong with me wanting some Hershey’s kisses from time to time?” she replied reasonably.
“Sure, it starts with Hershey’s, but that’s never enough for you. You always want the whole bar!”
“C’mon,” she said sweetly, “I’ll share it with you.”
“I bet you will,” he retorted. “Don’t you ever get enough? I mean, we had some Grand Marnier filled dark chocolate truffles just two weeks ago! I’d think that would keep you happy!”
“That was deliciously decadent,” she replied, sighing. “My mouth is watering just thinking about it! C’mon, the kids are at their friends’ place, let’s have some afternoon delight…”
“I guess so,” he sighed. “At least this may keep you from sneaking some into the bathroom again.”
“I don’t do that!” she exclaimed. “And if you’d just be more generous, I wouldn’t have to!”
Does any of this sound familiar?
It sounds pretty funny, and it should!
How, as a society, did we get to the point where sex became a commodity, something to be bartered in a one-way transaction?
When did an extremely pleasurable interaction between two people deteriorate into a mildly pleasurable experience for one, tolerated by the other?
How is it that we shame one partner for seeking to meet their physical and emotional needs in partnership with their life partner?
Sex is not money, it’s not a favor, and it’s not a chore…it’s chocolate! Whenever this is not the case, it’s time to dive deep. Something is going on under the hood, and it’s not good.
Many are the reasons, but until we release the assumptions behind our behavior, confusion will continue to reign. Here are 4 myths that shut down intimacy in a relationship.
Myth #1: “Sex is always great at first, but the passion invariably dies down after “The Honeymoon.”
What is referred to as “The Honeymoon” is actually NRE, or New Relationship Energy. NRE is awesome stuff, don’t get me wrong, but it is extremely limited. Once it’s done its work in launching a relationship with passion, it gets out of the way to allow the true purpose of a relationship to unfold.
Myth #2: “If you want a relationship with me, leave your baggage at the door,” or it’s close relative “I can’t get into a relationship until I’ve healed myself.”
Intimate relationships are the fastest, most efficient way humans have of catalyzing growth and facilitating healing at a deep level in a safe, protected space. When both partners share in this, it can be a powerful and bonding experience, from a space of deep vulnerability. The passion that results when partners truly see each other at such a deep level puts anything NRE can give you to shame!
Myth #3: “Women don’t like sex.”
Women love hot, grinding sex where they experience multiple orgasms that eventually leave them quivering helplessly on the bed wondering what the fuck just happened. Of course they do! Who wouldn’t? Women DON’T like painful, dull, passionless experiences where their partner is clearly getting a satisfaction they themselves are denied. This isn’t to say that it’s the man’s fault. What it DOES say is that, unless she’s experiencing the former, there is work to be done on the part of both partners. Make it your focus to find those things keeping her from her pleasure, and keeping you both from regularly having the experiences of your lives!
Myth #4: “Men only care about sex.”
While this can be true, it is actually relatively rare. When you find this in a man, you have found a man who has given up, has surrendered to the belief that there is something wrong with his sexuality, and has accepted that he is therefore broken, and so he might as well eke out whatever passionless pleasure he can get. The truth is, men feel, and they feel deeply and profoundly. Their expression of it is different from a woman’s, but no less valid. Studies have shown that when men and women are both exposed to a sad movie, while the woman may cry right away, the man will still be quietly mulling it over when she’s long forgotten it. Not only do they feel, they care deeply about satisfying their partners. They want to rock her world, so she loses her mind, and surrenders completely into her pleasure! The classic portrayal of sex, shallow as it is, always shows a man strenuously giving his all while the woman is screaming in ecstasy. Yeah, it‘s not an accurate portrayal of real life for most…but it should be! A whole man, a Sacred Warrior, loses himself in pleasing, serving, inspiring his partner to ever new heights of pleasure and satisfaction. This supplies his ultimate satisfaction at a very deep level.
The only reason these myths continue to perpetuate is because we are told that this is normal, and then given band-aids to deal with them. “Spicing up” the bedroom with new lingerie, role playing, and other suggestions may sound nice, and may buy you a few pleasant experiences, but until the core issues are addressed, you will never come close to experiencing the mind-blowing ecstasy that is actually possible.
What stops our women, and men, too, from their pleasure, their vulnerability, their ecstasy and their freedom, is the stored trauma, the repressed emotions, and the dysfunctional scripts acquired over a lifetime. Stop settling. Let go of the limiting beliefs that are choking the life out of relationships. Step into joy and passion with a fully engaged partner, sharing a life of wonder, excitement and adventure, just like it was always meant to be.
Two people who have this in their lives naturally have the tender touches, the secret glances, the sacred, shared intimacy that both sexes crave. When you see them together, you KNOW there is something very special going on, something only they know, something they cannot explain. If you are ready to claim this for yourself, contact us!