Have you ever felt like you were suffocating?
Panic attacks…you feel like you are dying…tightness, heaviness in your chest, your throat. Suffocating fear…like you can’t breathe. Stifling. Buried alive in a coffin you can’t break free of and, if you don’t break free, you will die. I’ve felt this. I thought I had done the work…healed the trauma…faced the fear…broken free from the programs. I was wrong. There was more.
The truth is, I had done a LOT of work and created a LOT of healing AND all of this only releasing bits and pieces of the trauma, emotions, fears and limiting beliefs that had accumulated in my body over years of societal and religious programing, stuffing the pain of having no voice and no real identity as a woman in a sexually repressed, patriarchal religion. I had finally reclaimed my power and spoken my truth, so I thought, when I left the religion. I had stepped into feeling my desire and expressing my sexuality when I chose into a new relationship several months later…at least I believed so. It was the beginning of a fucking amazing journey! And then, suddenly, the suffocating pressure seized my chest and throat…making me terrified that I was dying - after all, my father, aunt and grandfather had all died of heart attacks. My nursing experience told me otherwise and my sweetheart held me as I breathed through the worst of it. The heaviness lasted for days. I couldn’t wear a necklace or anything around my throat for months.
As we go through life and experience various traumas and the resulting intense emotions, we stuff them inside because we have been taught that to express these emotions is weak and inappropriate. Especially women are shamed for expressing anger and men for sadness. No-one teaches us how to deal with them at a later time either. We are told to leave our baggage at the door and just deal with it. What I didn’t know then, is that all these traumas, emotions and limiting beliefs are stored in the body on multiple levels, and that most healing modalities only work on one level. When we get triggered on one of the remaining levels, the trauma comes back and activates in the body like it was never gone…because it wasn’t.
When we hold onto the traumas, unexpressed sadness, fear, and rage, they build up in our bodies like a pressure cooker, ready to explode. It takes incredible amounts of energy to hold all this inside and ‘keep it all together’…to be the strong one taking care of everyone else, pretending nothing is wrong. This numbed out cauldron of emotions and trauma eventually manifests itself as anxiety, depression, panic attacks or even physical dis-ease in the body. This is our body’s way of waking us up and telling us that we need to do something very different! Sort of like the red warning light on your car. Now you have a choice…you can address the problem and actually feel the pain and do the deep work necessary to heal it, OR you can ignore it and keep on driving…or even get out of the car and cut the wire to the red light…numb out completely so that you are more comfortable just continuing to stuff it all inside. You can become the walking dead.
I chose the first option, and I’m so grateful that I did! It was the hardest, most intense and vulnerable work I’ve EVER done AND it was fucking TERRIFYING…and absolutely worth every moment of fear, every tear I shed, every penny it cost and so much more. It was PRICELESS! Because I had the courage to choose ME and say ‘yes’ when my higher self guided me to the next step in my healing, I KNOW who I AM, I KNOW my purpose in this world and I am LIVING my purpose with my perfectly aligned partner, walking beside others on their own powerful healing journeys. I know the Universe has my back and I AM FREE!
To learn more about how you can create this deep healing in your own life, contact us here to schedule a free breakthrough call.