If It's Broke, Don't Fix It!
Updated: Dec 4, 2019
Over years of working with individual clients, couples, and drawing from our own relationship-building experiences, we’ve come to discover a pattern of what works, and more importantly, what doesn’t, in dealing with a broken relationship. I’m not talking about a relationship tweak, here. I’m talking about major reconstruction.
Let’s envision for a moment an old car you own. You and your partner purchased it brand new when you were 20 years old, and it was exciting, fresh, and the perfect car to meet every need that you had...at 20 years old. Over the last 20 years, though, it’s gotten into a few accidents, had parts begin to show real wear, and in general is requiring major work to keep it on the road. At some point you will take a look at how much more money you want to put into this old thing. After all, it really doesn’t serve you anymore. You’ve grown as a family, and continually repairing it is beginning to take a toll on you all. Sometimes you feel like it spends more time in the shop than on the road! You begin to feel like it’s really not worth it any more.
Time for a new car.
And it’s the same for relationships. You’ll notice, I didn’t say ‘time for a new spouse.’ It’s the relationship that no longer serves. After all, it’s unrealistic to think that what worked when you were 20, works 20 years later. This doesn’t mean that relationships cannot evolve. Ideally they can, but sometimes they don’t. Sometimes you wake up one day and realize that what you have sucks, and you cast about for someone to blame, because you just don’t think you can repair this old thing one more time. You’re tired of seeing that mechanic who recommends this new part or patch, because you know that when you drive away, you’re still going to have that same old car.
The trick to reconstructing a broken relationship is...don’t! Ditch it! Toss it with gratitude, because it’s gotten you this far. It’s not only broken – it’s expired. The good news is that when you have two partners willing to build on what they’ve created over the years, they CAN create their brand new, shiny, perfect relationship. The hitch is, it takes a lot of work, but maybe not the way you think.
Dropping one relationship and replacing it with another has one significant drawback – our ‘hangups.’ They must go, because they have no place in your new relationship. You don’t bring the tires, seats, interior and engine from your old car and put it in your new one. Everything that no longer serves you must go, not just the relationship, or you’re slapping some new paint on that Chevy and calling it a Porsche. Where we’ve seen the magic happen, and fast, is when both partners freely and fully dive into their own internal work. They each get serious, find a transformational coach, and let go of even working on the relationship until they’ve let go of all the shit that blocks them from fully experiencing ALL the relationships in their life. Yes, they get to share the amazing breakthroughs and insights with each other, but this isn’t about fixing ANYTHING. It’s about self-discovery and release of what you are not.
The beauty of this is when you find out who you are, you can’t go back to what you had. When you release the blocks, stored trauma and dysfunctional scripts that have dogged you, you discover you are ready to face your empowered partner and create something you never imagined possible. Something that can carry you into the rest of your life as you continue to learn, grow and expand together. Something worth having.
It’s never too late to have the most amazing relationship, full of intimacy, adventure, and joy. Relationships are meant to be fun and easy – delightful! Stop dragging that old beater around when you were made to fly!
We take on beliefs that are not ours. The voices in our heads are made up from the fears, praises, promised rewards, or punishments that will be granted now, or in the afterlife, depending on the beliefs of the generations and social norms that have come before us.
We take on the vicious stories of our traumas.
We lose ourselves in the dogma, fears, lies, traumas, and excruciating pain of our experiences.
But YOU still exist.
There IS a way to re-connect! You have so much to bring to this life. So much to create.
This is why we create the space for you to align with WHO you ARE. We have created a sacred sanctuary for your re-emergence into your natural state of BEing.
We can guide you through your re-birth into this world -- through the release of all YOU ARE NOT. THEN your can reconnect with your partner in a whole new way…create a BRAND NEW relationship!
We ARE HERE when you are ready.
(Photo by Christiana Rivers on Unsplash)