Updated: Dec 4, 2019
The Great Lie
“Men only want sex for pleasure.”
Men easily get pleasure. Men do NOT need women to ‘scratch an itch.’ And yet they keep coming back to women anyway. Pleasure is not what drives men to want more sex. They have been conditioned to believe that the only way to get deep connection with others is through sex, and so they attempt to satisfy this need through sex, without success. Women have been conditioned to see men’s needs as base and shallow, and so that’s how they meet them. This leads to frustration and disappointment.
“Women only want sex for connection.”
Women easily get connection. They get it from each other. They get it from their children. They get it from their parents. Connection is not what drives women to want sex. They have been conditioned to believe that the only way to have ecstatic pleasure is through sex, and so they attempt to experience this through sex without success. Men have been conditioned to believe that women’s needs are ethereal and non-sexual, and so that’s how they meet them. They believe women don’t really want sex, but only do it to satisfy men’s ‘base’ needs. This does not inspire them to strive to create the most ecstatic experience possible for their partner and results in disappointment and frustration.
This is society’s template for relationship failure – The Great Lie.
The crazy truth is…
Men want to have deep connection for themselves while creating and witnessing pleasure and passion in their partner. This creates their passion.
Women want to experience deep pleasure and passion in themselves while experiencing authentic, meaningful connection with their partner. This creates their passion.
This is nature’s template for relationship success.
When you realize this, you have the key to begin healing relationships from the Great Lie.
When a man experiences satisfaction and connection on the deepest level, his cup is full, and his urgency around sex loses its power. Then his healing begins.
When a woman experiences her own limits on mind blowing pleasure and ecstasy, in a place of deep connection, her cup is filled and her resistance to sex loses its power. Then her healing begins.
This is how partners meet each other fully, actualize their intimacy, and catalyze each other’s healing and expansion.
Indoctrination into society’s template for failure begins at the beginning…
Little boys are radicalized at an early age into rejecting affection, vulnerability, emotions, and other “feminine” and “unmanly” traits. They too soon reach an age where they stop being touched. Meaningful physical contact is reduced to quick handshakes, awkward pats on the back between men, contact sports, and infrequent short hugs with relatives. Human touch is a basic human need, and it is cruelly denied male humans.
Little girls are radicalized from an early age into an impossible choice between slut and prude. These two extremes are presented as immutable, uncompromising, and filled with shame. To make it worse, nobody will actually tell them where the lines are. Clearly defined negatives with fuzzy boundaries leave plenty of room for the inevitable chaos that results, and from junior high school on, girls are at war with their inner selves and with each other. Some never recover.
Too many find themselves living out this lie about human nature, THEIR nature. Each strives for the opposite of what they want while giving their partner the opposite of what THEY want. Locked into a pointless, unwinnable battle, many give up, surrendering to the fate they are taught is inevitable and ‘normal.’
When your assumptions suck the joy from your life, it’s time to take a look at your assumptions. They don’t have to be yours - they were given to you by others. Give them back. It’s our nature to have joy, to love easily, to connect with each other, and to give and receive pleasure effortlessly. Deep down, we know this, and the efforts we have made to function well in a system rigged for failure are truly heroic. Somehow we still manage to love, raise children, and squeeze moments of joy and pleasure that we treasure dearly…but the time for settling is done. These battles against our selves and our partners are done. The days of sacrificing for the sake of expired ideas and toxic ideals have come to an end.
The good news is that when we end the wars within, when we heal our relationships, the ripple we create is peace in the world, and the world needs this right about now.
You can have it all...commit to something brand new for a new year, and reclaim a relationship fully engaged, fully empowered, fully met.