Today is the day he conquers.
Perched on the branch he admires his opponent:
Lovely golden feathers on breast.
Wings the color of dust.
Proud beak, strong neck.
Just like his own.
Today the mighty opponent is going down, and he will own that tree in the window, so like his own.
Today he will complete his victory and be free from that arrogant opponent.
Today, finally, will be the last day he has to spend so much energy, so much time, so much passion, on this worthy battle.
No more failure, no more nursing the damage from the fight, and no more putting his life on hold.
He has sacrificed so much, but he’s pumped, he’s jazzed, he has the right attitude and an unstoppable drive. He will succeed.
Today he finally begins to live, when the opponent perishes beneath his claws. Now he can find a mate, have that nest, raise beautiful golden-breasted chicks of his own. He just has to first beat this one opponent.
I watch him, coffee in hand, outside my window. He comes every single day, for hours. I have tried to get him to stop, chasing him away, yelling. “It’s just a f@#king window you stupid bird!” He returns the next day, just as committed.
Nothing is going to stop him.
The truth is, I can’t help but admire his tenacity, no matter how misplaced. And yet, what would his life be like free from this pointless task? How much easier would it be not to have to heal daily from his morning battles. How better could his energy be used?
I admire that mighty, committed bird, because I see myself SO clearly in him.
The years spent wasting my own energies, time, and power on what ultimately was merely my own reflection. But I WORKED. SO. HARD! I analyzed it from every angle. I considered all the possibilities. Endless discussions with others just as stumped, endless journaling, and all that mental energy, emotional distress, frustration, depression and anger. So many relationships wasted and opportunities missed as I struggled to understand, to explain, and to find the answer to that enigma in the window - that mysterious puzzle that ultimately turned out to be myself.
Easy peasy, right? Just fly off to another branch and begin living, right?
But there’s another window right around the corner, waiting to draw in, entrap, renew the battle. There will always be another mirror, whether spouse, coworker, friend or foe. The solution will never be found in the battles.
That perfect, invincible reflection is the perfect, unbeatable opportunity to learn. It’s our chance to connect to the lesson and receive its gift. Its purpose is our growth. And when we reap those treasures, there will be another reflection, another chance to learn and grow, another chance to begin to appreciate and even love that mighty bird in the window.
Because there’s always another window.