We’ve all heard the phrase the “anticipation is half the fun,” or something to that effect. Anticipation of a delicious experience or encounter truly can be a wonderful, juicy part of the experience. AND, there’s another side to that story…one that affects so many relationships and little by little, erodes trust and suffocates desire.
I love to feel desired when I also feel safe. Feeling safe requires trust. This is true for women in general. It requires that a partner show up in a way that inspires trust, by doing what they say they will do. Even the little things, like taking out the trash, showing up on time for a date, calling when they say they will call, and a myriad of other small shows of consideration. Integrity is incredibly sexy! When trust is in place, a woman knows that when her partner tells her that he/she wants to ravish her, and what they plan to do with her later, they WILL actually show up. She can contemplate that delicious expectation all day. She will feel her desire building and her body getting turned on…getting juicy. Then, when her partner is with her, the anticipation can be further built by touching other parts of her body. Exploring and discovering all the erogenous zones and honouring ALL of her! When this happens, she feels her partner feeling her, and she feels safe. She is allowed to feel her desire and want more! Each step of building anticipation and desire intensifies the pleasure experienced with the FULFILLMENT of that desire. So, yes…there is so much to be experienced in the anticipation and then the fulfillment of that deliciousness!
Conversely, when anticipation is created but the desired experience doesn’t come to pass then the experience of anticipation becomes disappointment. If that disappointment happens multiple times, trust begins to erode and the situation begins to feel like the proverbial dangling a carrot in front of the horse. It doesn’t take long for a woman to tire of that game! In my experience, this sort of build up and disappointment is emotionally painful and, when sexual energy is involved, it can be cruel, intentional or not. Repetitive, unfulfilled anticipation results in a woman being shut down. It creates a lack of trust, and emotional disconnection in a relationship. This can be true for men too, of course, but is particularly crucial for women because of the way sexual desire/turn-on works for a woman. A woman’s desire is linked to trust/safety, which is in the mind, and manifests physically in the body. If she is holding back her desire to protect herself emotionally from yet another disappointment, that deep desire, anticipation and juiciness is just not going to happen.
YES, create the eroticism, build the anticipation and juicy turn-on…enjoy it…make it YUMMY! The connection and trust that you will create by following through with the simple little things will be mind-blowing, and so worth the effort. It can all come down to the thirty seconds it takes to send a message. Whether it’s a change of plan that maintains the integrity and builds trust, or a hot juicy scintillating expression of erotic desire that will turn her on and leave her wet with anticipation, it is a small investment of time that tells her she is a priority in your life and that her heart is safe with you. And remember, integrity is INCREDIBLY sexy!