Breaking The Cycle of
The Trauma-Centered Life™
Your stored trauma is speaking to you, and it’s not pretty.
It wraps you in a cloak of ‘safety,’ telling you ‘it’s cold out there.’ It’s telling you that life without it is impossible. It enshrines the past in the present and writes your future in stone.
And it’s all a lie.
Life was not meant to revolve around past trauma, but that is precisely what society preaches. The existence of trauma is taken as a given, unalterable and unavoidable. We aren’t offered real solutions to the root problem. We are offered drugs to dull, techniques to cope, and topics to avoid.
If you were stabbed with a knife, you would not tolerate that knife remaining in your body while you arranged your life around living with it. You would insist on having it removed, since healing cannot begin until it is. But for some reason, we all are taught to accept the reality of internalized trauma as inevitable.
When you believe internalized trauma is inevitable, the result is a life crafted around traumas and their triggers. As long as this is going on, you cannot live authentically. You can’t connect deeply inside the vulnerable space of another if you insist on bringing your triggers with you. There comes a day when you have to choose between your trauma and truly living your life.
The trauma-limited version of you can never live your destiny.
In the battle between willpower and trauma, willpower will eventually lose.
Healing from trauma is not learning to live with trauma and cope with triggers. It is taking you back to your original perfection, so you can access, again, who you truly are. It is retaining the lessons and wisdom gained from your past while releasing that which blocks you from fully engaging in your future. It is reuniting with the child within and regaining the joy that child holds.
We get so focused on building a life around our traumas and triggers, that often, when faced with the opportunity of clearing them out, we balk.
And trauma whispers seductively...
“I don’t need healing, I’m perfect as I am.”
“I need to read another book, talk with another therapist, have another medicine journey, get some more Reiki healing, and THEN it will gently drift away.”
“The past is the past, and I just need to let it go.”
“Time heals all wounds.”
“This is who I am, and I just have to learn to live with it.”
“I am the creator of my world, and so I must have created the trauma, so in reality, it’s not trauma at all.”
“I don’t have time. Others in my life come first.”
“I don’t deserve my own healing.”
And we find ourselves in a cycle of trauma, repeating endlessly, and locking us away from connection and freedom.
Trigger -> Re-Traumatize -> Reaction/Blame -> Coping/Avoidance -> Back Under ‘Control’
…and the cycle begins anew.
We are not our traumas.
We are not our triggers.
What would life be like, lived without coping mechanisms, without triggers, without trauma? What would life be like, if it wasn’t centered around our traumas?
We ARE perfect, but that doesn’t mean we have access to our perfection, or even know who we are. Healing is taking us back to our original perfection. Taking away that which we are NOT, so we can be who we ARE.
Reconnecting to our divine selves.
Triggers – Trauma’s Secret Weapon
The ‘Trauma Cycle’ falls apart without its most important element, and initiating event: Triggers. Triggers are trauma’s secret weapon for keeping your life centered around trauma, keeping it alive in you, fresh, and continually growing – for each trigger creates a re-traumatizing event, guaranteeing that the next trigger will be even more effective.
Trauma and triggers together are self-supporting, and because we don’t understand their function, they remain almost invisible. This is because we accept the big lie they tell us, which is this:
“You are your trauma, and there is nothing you can do about your triggers.”
Because there is a lot of confusion around triggers, let’s discuss what they are and are not…
Intense, uncontrollable, irrational and often inappropriate responses to life experiences due to internalized trauma from past experiences in life
An indicator that your body is in an active state of trauma
Not your fault
Triggers are NOT…
Refusal to tolerate abuse
Acting on wisdom gained from your past experiences
Anger, in situations where anger is appropriate
Intense emotions in situations where intense emotions are appropriate
A word to shame a person standing in their power
An inescapable part of your life
You are not your traumas.
You are not your triggers.
You are unique, powerful, and fascinating. You have experienced trauma in your life, and created genius solutions for surviving. The natural intelligence of your body stores traumatic experiences within itself, so that we can deal with it later. Lacking the knowledge and ability to release it, and believing a society that tells you that you cannot release it, you have developed novel and powerful mechanisms for dealing with it, anyway.
Frankly, you deserve a f#@king medal!
And the life force you have been required to dedicate full-time to these mechanisms are draining you. The willpower you have shown at succeeding in life in spite of this continual drain is heroic! The creativity you’ve shown in finding ways to navigate around this continual toxicity is masterpiece-level material.
What would life be like if you had that life force, that willpower, and that artistic genius to focus on your actual life? A life centered on your authentic self, while creating deep connection with others - your creativity changing the world?
This is who you are. You are essential to your own well-being, a gift to those in relationship with you, and an essential element in changing a world in crisis.
You won’t do it dragging that anchor with you. Release the sandbag and let the balloon rise! You are this powerful, and you’ve got this. Having seen what’s possible, it’s time to move into that!
Breaking the Trauma Cycle for Good!
The healing space for trauma is a wild and woolly place right now. We are pushed and pulled from all directions:
“We don’t need healing; We do need it, but not too much;
Only you can heal you; Only I can heal you;
Use the old ways; Use the new ways;
Go into the body; Go into the emotions;
It’s easy; It’s impossible;
Take prescription drugs; Use plant medicine;
…and OMG and WTF!”
You can look at this and despair, or you can look at this and rejoice – it all depends on if you see it as anarchy or a smorgasbord.
We live in a time of rapid decentralization of so much – knowledge, control, communication, entertainment, education, and yes, healing. The old paradigm of a single, approved approach for everything is decidedly, and deservedly, gone. The choices this gives us is breathtaking, and the responsibility to choose how we are going to live our lives are ours. We won’t make aligned choices for ourselves, unless we learn to go within, be guided by our higher selves, and then trust that guidance!
I say that, and I also know we’ve been trained all our lives specifically NOT to trust our own knowing. We are fed fear, lies, and distortions until we may be left with a vague feeling that truth is unknowable. Well, maybe “THE truth” is unknowable on a philosophical level, but OUR truths are the only things worth knowing.
So, in the spirit of overcoming a lifetime of how NOT to do it, I offer the following considerations:
It’s ok to ask for assistance. It’s actually essential. Yes, we are literal divine spirits having a human experience, but part of that human experience is the interdependence of humanity. We are all one, and all the parts must work together in order to create the greatest harmony. Level up your own growth by aligning with another for a time, so you don’t have to try and reinvent human growth and expansion from scratch.
Your path is your path. What works for you, works for you. Nobody pre-approves and certifies your own personal path. It is the only thing in life that is truly yours. It is one thing that can never be delegated. It is also a place where inviting a compassionate, supportive guide can be very welcome, and even essential to your progress. It doesn’t have to be a lonely path…
Fear is not a warning sign…it is more often the sign to the on-ramp. When you feel all the power and transformation encapsulated in a choice, that can be terrifying. It can be easier to find refuge in another book, another session with your friend, another walk in nature. Those are all great activities, but the real stuff happens when you get uncomfortable.
The transformation zone is outside the comfort zone. And when stepping well outside the comfort zone, a mentor is a great resource to guide you through unknown territory.
As the attached graphic illustrates, triggers keep us locked into zones 1, 2, or 3, cycling within the narrow range that the Trauma Cycle permits. As comfort zones go, it’s a nasty one. Comfort zones are comfortable, not because they are pleasant places to be, but because that’s what we’re used to. Changing from our Trauma-Limited Selves into our full Authentically-Expressed Selves is where we will find that juicy, satisfying space of freedom and connection. From this space, we can live the way we were meant to live, and fully step into our own, individual, life purpose.
When you are told to “go within” be aware, there are likely obstacles ready to block the way. There are egos, walls of trauma, blocks set up to defend, little scripts running to protect and voices from past abusers. This can be daunting. But the truth is, you are so much brighter than all that, and even in the darkness, occasionally a brilliant flash of insight, of knowing, of certainty, breaks through the fog and darkness and says YES! THIS! When we follow this deeper truth, OUR truth, we find our way. When the flash comes and goes, filling us with excitement (‘Expansion’), and then we let the fear, egos and scripts explain it all away (‘Contraction’), we sell out on ourselves, and nothing really changes. When you trust yourself, trust that certainty, that genius flash of insight, that we all have. Don’t trust the garbage collected in a life lived in the matrix.
There are many amazing coaches out there – I know this, because many are friends, and some have been our mentors (I follow my own advice on accepting assistance!). No matter where you need to go, from clearing blocks and trauma (the work Freyja and I do), to becoming masters of tantric sex, there is a coach out there. I honor them all, for we are all involved in the work of transforming the world, taking humanity to its next level! If you’re not sure, contact us, and we’ll hook you up with someone amazing. But whoever you choose, it gets to be from an inner knowing that this is the next step for your own expansion and growth.